Jealousy and Envy
by mjm-g
Summary: "I'm falling in love with the best friend and the best friend falling in love with the cousin. Merlin's beard." blah blah blah drabble
1. Chapter 1

**Blah blah blah. This is my second Harry Potter fanfiction. I'm still not good at it, though, sorry. Btw, I only made this for about 3 hours so I don't think it will be that nice. Anyway. Reviews? :) **

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><p>Jealousy and Envy are two different words. But all the same, I am feeling both.<p>

Jealous means "apprehensive or vengeful out of fear of being replaced by someone else." It can also mean "watchful," "anxiously suspicious," or "zealous".

Envy means "to bear a grudge toward someone due to coveting what that person has or enjoys." In a milder sense, it means "the longing for something someone else has without any ill will intended toward that person."

I admit that I envy and I am jealous of Lily Luna Potter. You know, the daughter of the famous Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley? The girl with the beautiful face, the one with red curls bouncing softly every time she turns her head? The girl with an organized freckled-face? The girl who looks so commercial and model-like? The perfect girl everyone's talking about? Yeah. That's the girl.

You might be thinking, why would I, Rose Weasley, envy my cousin? True, I'm still in my right (and intelligent) mind to say it's improper, but I just couldn't help it. That girl has everything I don't have. I don't have that beautiful face. Instead, I have bushy hair that makes people annoyed whenever I'm in front of them or whatever. I have freckles all over my body, and it's not really attractive. I don't look commercial and model-like at all. I'm small, and there's no mistake I'm never going to be perfect like her.

_Oh look! Rose Weasley has insecurities!_

And ah, there's also that one thing I envy most about her. Not that I hate her for this but… Well, I do but… yeah.

_Scorpius Malfoy's in love with her. And vice versa._

Don't get me wrong, I love Lily and Scorpius. For the reason they've been my best friends since Merlin knows when. Well, I don't know. There's just this sick feeling inside of me that makes me hate both of them every time I see them together. Albus noticed my "strange" behavior and talked to me about it. Do you know what he said?

He said I was freaking _in love_ with Scorpius and that I'm just jealous and envious of Lily.

Since then, I started to believe I really am. I mean, it's been 3 years since I've been looking at Scorpius differently, you know? Those butterflies in my stomach and the way I can't help staring at him during classes or meals. It's really strange to think about it.

_Oh how cliché!, _you might think. I'm falling in love with the best friend and the best friend falling in love with the cousin. Merlin's beard.

I want this feeling to stop. I learned from Muggle Studies that Envy is one of the capital sins of the Catholic religion. I just want to be happy, you know?

But I can't. Because you can't do anything with a broken heart unless time heals it.


	2. Chapter 2

It's beautiful.

I see the sunrise over the mountains. Its yellow-orange rays getting up slowly - ever so slowly. The birds are beginning to sing. I also see the lake from where I am standing, its crystal clear waters glitter like a million diamonds. I see the long road ahead, deserted but beautiful. I hear the wind rustle through the leaves of the trees, then eventually kissing my skin softly.

And then I see him.

With his aristocratic features, blond hair and a strong aura surrounding him, I have no doubt that it is Scorpius Malfoy walking towards me at the end of the deserted road. His mesmerizing metal-like eyes pierces through mine, his lips forming into a shy smile. Unconsciously, I smile back at him, feeling my cheeks turn into a bright shade of red. Now that he's less than a feet from me, he held a side of my face with his palm, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I feel all the hair strands of my body starting to rise, but I don't care because, bloody hell, it's Scorpius Malfoy right over here. We stand here in silence, feeling each others' presence and looking into each others' eyes.

"I love you, Rose," he says.

"I love you more," I whisper.

He smiles. I melt.

"I love you," he tells me once more, reaching out to touch my hands. "But," he ojbects, "I also love Lily - and I'm not going to abandon her just like that. She needs me, you know that."

At that moment, I feel lubugrious, like a dominant part of me died. I'm supposed to feel nothing, since I'm only just the "friend".

"I understand," Faking a smile, I turn around and walk away.

I notice the sun going down, instead of staying in the happy spot it's supposed to be in. The waters turn black and didn't glitter like it used to. The deserted road where Scorpius was standing looked ugly. There is no wind. There is no sound except for the noise I'm causing.

I open my eyes and realise I am crying.

But it was just a dream - a horrible nightmare that's so similar to my situation now.

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><p>Sorry if this sounds crappy. I feel so emotional again, and I guess I just wanted to let my feelings out by writing stories. (Ha ha and yes, this story is based from a personal experience) Just saying~<p>

Thoughts? :D


	3. Chapter 3

I stare into space for quite a while._ Breathe in, breathe out_. I get up from my bed and decide that I will take a walk at the Hogwarts grounds - no matter what the rules say. I am emotionally unstable, and I need to overthink or else my mind's going to explode.

As I pass through the hallway of beds, I notice Lily sleeping so soundly. She looks beautiful even in her sleep. She's probably dreaming of Scorpius right now, dreaming about how happy they were, how happy they are, and how happy they will be. Probably dreaming about their dream wedding and the family they will be making. I shudder at the thought of it.

I walk further.

Everyone seems asleep. I sneak into Albus' bedchamber and try to find boxes from under his trunk. He doesn't seem to hear me because of his loud snore, so I take my time finding the one thing I'm looking for - the Invisibility Cloak. Since James has no use of this said cloak, he passed it on to Albus, - and believe me when I say, it took Albus _months_ of persuading him.

Surprisingly, I find it underneathe a pile of papers, along with the Marauder's Map, unsecured and crumpled. I would hex Albus if ever he wakes up because it's damn annoying to just place something really valuable in a common and unsecured place. And anyways, these stuff are precious. James could've given me the cloak and the map instead.

Albus and I are best friends. I promise to return the things I've borrowed when I'm through with it.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I whisper, pointing the tip of my wand at the parchment. It never fails to amaze me whenever the small text and my own footprints move, or how everything in this map is accurate. I put on the cloak and head outside the common room.

I walk down the staircase, pass the Great Hall, until I reach the gate. The gate is left open - probably Filch is doing rounds again. I carefully and quietly walk outside, very cautious so as not to make noise. I feel the harsh wind gushing against my skin, so I pull the cloak tighter around me. I pass through Hagrid's hut, notice the lights were turned off, and continue walking in a slow pace until I reach my destination.

And finally I am here, by the lake. The one place I go every time I feel melancholic - every time I want to be alone or feel alone.

So why am I here? I don't know. I feel suffocated and trapped in a certain impasse. It's different now. I used to be happy and cheerful - because at that time, I had my best friend. I had Scorpius, the one person I've always wanted to share my life with. The one person I can be myself. The one person I'm willing to jump a bridge with and have no regrets at all (we both won't do it). And he's gone now. He's with Lily, and I can't do anything to make them stop. But how can I? I love them both, and I don't want to ruin their relationship for the sake of my happiness. So what I'll do now is to stand my ground and wait for some invisible force to move me on.

Ah yes, that is impossible. Because really, how can you move on when you're still in love with that person? How can you be happy when someone you love hurts you without him knowing it? How can the end be happy if you aren't included in the Happily Every after scene?

What the bloody hell. I'd give anything to make this feeling stop.

I pick up a rock from the ground where I'm standing, and throw it in the lake out of my frustration. I pick up another one and -

"Who's there?" a cool voice calls out from behind.

It hits me - I am a stupid person, throwing rocks in the lake in the middle of the night. Worse, with an invisibility cloak. _What an idiot, Rose, what an idiot._

I hold my breath, casually breathing if I have to, and I don't move. I recognise the man behind the voice, of course. I mean, who wouldn't recognise the voice of the one you love?

"Albus? Stop playing games, mate. You know you're not allowed to be at the grounds at this time of hour," he says.

Apparently, he thinks I'm Albus, since Albus is the only one who has the Invisibility Cloak. I am very tempted to talk to him, and tell him that I am me, but again, some invisible force hinders me to do so.

"Potter? Are you still there?"

Alas. I can't help it anymore. I remove the cloak that's wrapped around me, and I muster a sigh of desperation. Scorpius is standing before me, unable to believe that Rose Weasley broke the rules.

"Hi Scorp," I say, looking down so he won't see my red eyes caused by crying.

"Rose? What -?"

"I can explain," I sigh. "I need to think."

"Think about what?"

"Things."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay then," he says. We become quiet for quite a while, staring at the still lake.

"Er, Rose?" he smiles shyly. "Since we are best friends, do you mind helping me out?"

I smile. "No, not at all. If it's homework -"

"No," he replies immediately. "I need help. Lily. Tomorrow's our anniversary."

I manage a smile. "Advance happy anniversary, then."

"I'm nervous, Rosie. I want to give her something unforgettable, you know, because I love her. And we've been in this relationship for a year tomorrow. But what will I give her?"

"Something she loves. Take her out to dinner, watch those fancy muggle movies, cook her something. Just be with her, you know? You'll be alright," I advise, regretting ever helping him in the first place.

"Hm, you make it sound so easy. I've never thought of that," Scorpius chuckles. "Well then, thanks Rosie, you really are the greatest friend ever."

He hugs me - tight.

And he lets go, smiling at me like an idiot.

I smile back at him, saying, "And so are you. I'm going to sleep now. Good bye, Scorp. Happy Anniversary."

"Thanks again, Rosie. But don't ever go here again at night, I may have to report you the next time you do this," he laughs.

"Thanks for the reminder. Good bye," I turn around, put on the Invisibility Cloak and head straight to the common room.

As I lay my head down on the pillow, I have come up with a generalization: I think I may have to frequent my visits to the lake. My heart got broken again, and now I have all the reasons to cry.

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><p><strong>I'm updating this instead of studying for the examinations tomorrow. I lack motivation. :|<strong>

**Please tell me what you think! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

The rays of the sun are shining directly at my face from the open window. This is the reason why I wake up. It's bloody Saturday and I wish I could have gotten more sleep. My head is throbbing ever so painfully, not because of crying, but rather due to lack of sleep. I assume it's around 6 am, so my kin are probably still sleeping.

And for the first time in my life, I'm grateful not to have them around.

I get up from my bed, and immediately have a shower. After that, I quickly put on my jeans and shirt and sneakers. For the past few days I feel uninspired and hopeless. I think it's the same until now.

I try to get Lily and Scorpius' anniversary out of my mind but I just couldn't. I know I should be happy for them, but I'm not. Call me churlish, but I really hope that they won't last. I don't mean to be self-centered - everyone thinks they're meant to be, but they're freaking not.

They're not meant to be._ Period_. And I bet my life on that.

I pick up my books and head for the library. Most people are asleep so there aren't any students roaming around the corridors. I thank the heavens for that. I do not want to see anyone.

I settle my books on my usual library table. I get a parchment and a pen, and I start to write an essay about the undiscovered secrets of Hogwarts. I am halfway through my essay when I hear a familiar laughter behind one of those bookshelves. I thought I was alone. I get up from my seat and wander through the hallways of books - hoping to find the girl behind the laughter.

I gasp.

Surprisingly - and unfortunately - I find her, and am very shocked to see Lily Potter snogging Matthew Corner - _Matthew Corner!_ - of the Slytherin House.

_What the bloody hell._

They look at me - both with a horrified expression - and get up so quickly and clumsily that they bumped each other. I look at Lily scornfully, and angrily at Corner.

"Happy anniversary to you and Scorpius, Lily," I say in an opprobrious way.

She widens her eyes in disbelief. "_Oh crap_."

"You forgot, didn't you?" I shake my head in disapproval. "How long have you guys been dating? You and Corner, I mean."

"Er, um, two weeks," Lily says.

"Screw this, Lily. Tell the truth, we've been caught anyway," Corner remonstrates. "We've been going out for five months now."

I raise my eyebrows. "Ah," I say, turning to Lily. "So tell me, when are you planning to tell Scorpius this?"

"I won't."

"And why is that?" I reprimand.

"Because," she says in a mocking way. "He loves me, and I don't want him to get hurt."

I roll my eyes. "How nice of you, Lily, how very thoughtful," I say in a sardonic way. "If you won't tell him, I will."

I start to walk away.

"Rose!" Lily shouts, running after me.

"What?"

"Please don't tell Scorpius. Just please promise me you won't," she pleads.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I know you're in love with him. Don't try denying because I see the way you look at him - the way you look at _us_. Please, Rosie. He'll be devastated and -"

"If you know that he's going to be devastated, then why are you doing this to him?" I ask impatiently, still confused with her explanations.

"Scorpius and I are two different people. You know that, don't you? And that's the problem - we're too different," she explains.

"That's not reasonable enough," I say. "How could you do this, Lily? He trusted you! He loves you and he makes a lot of sacrifices for you! He -"

"Rosie, I'm in love with Corner. I've never felt so alive and so happy with someone. Of course I loved Scorpius - but I have fallen out of love with him. Scorpius deserves better - in fact, he deserves you. I'm too craven to admit my mistakes to him but okay, I will talk to him. Not just today. Maybe tomorrow or the week after," she sighs.

I nod.

"Please Rosie, stay out of this. And keep your mouth shut."

"I can't guarantee -"

"Yes you can. Now goodbye, Rose," she stomps and walks out of the library with Corner holding her hand.

Now, I am alone.

I walk towards my table and try to finish my essay. I bury my face in my hands because I seriously don't know what to do. Lily's my cousin and Scorpius is my best friend. And they're breaking up - _breaking up_, for Merlin's sake!

Should I be sad? Should I be happy?

I don't know. Because honestly, I don't care anymore. I just don't want Scorpius to get hurt. Lily's fine and happy anyway.

After I finish my essay, I start to read a muggle book - particularly a classic. I'm reading Animal Farm now. I have just finished Crime and Punishment, Wuthering Heights, and Pride and Prejudice last week.

As I am reading the said book, I hear the Library door open, and inside comes a very excited Scorpius Malfoy. He rushes towards me with his trademark smirk.

"Rosie!" he beams.

"Hello, Scorpius," I greet.

He takes a seat in front of me and says, "I don't know why, but I'm feeling very excited and nervous for later."

"Who wouldn't be?" I say without emotion.

"Aren't you happy for me?" he jokes. "Come on, Rose, you'll find someone too."

I choke. "What?"

"Nothing," he laughs. "I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to you. For coming up with the idea of the dinner... date stuff. You know?"

I smile wearily. "No problem, Scorp."

He gets up from the chair and stands in front of me. "Do you think she'll like it?"

I sigh, and hope for the best for him.

"Yeah, I guess she will."

I am such a liar.

"Well, thanks a lot, Rosie. I'll keep you updated," he winks.

"Lily has something to tell you, though. Just give her time." I manage a half-smile and say, "Well, you've got to go now. Good luck!"

He grins and gives me a final wave before going out of the library.

_This is so not good._


End file.
